Self-love gives you the courage to walk away
Most of us have been in situations where we’ve loved someone enough to work hard at keeping the relationship moving forward and hurdling through all obstacles.
Others of us have made the decision to throw in the towel, knowing that loving ourselves is much more important than continuing to deal with a relationship that brings more negative feelings than positive.
I’m in the group that threw in the towel. My ex and I had a child together and then we got engaged. I did everything for this man. I was his saviour, his rock, and his backbone. And then he cheated on me. That wasn't the first time, but it was the last straw. I should have left way before I did.
I stayed and when the baby arrived it only made it harder to leave. I didn’t have the strength back then. I was comfortable, so I stayed year after year knowing that I deserved better.
Every relationship has problems and issues, but it gets to a point where you must decide what's acceptable and what's a deal-breaker. It is the hardest decision you will ever make in your life, but you must decide what you are willing to work through and what is no longer working.
Cheating is a huge act of deception and betrayal. When someone cheats, any trust left is damaged.
For many people, the biggest reason for staying after cheating has happened is for the sake of the children and/or finances. For others, cheating causes damage that can never be repaired.
If you choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship that is mentally, verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive for the sake of the kids or money, that’s a lack of strength and self-love.
I strongly believe children should see their parents happy together, whether that's together or apart. If you aren’t happy together, you must leave for the sake of the kids.
Staying in a relationship that is painful, loveless, emotionally distant, and full of resentment does the children and you more harm than good. The impact of an unhealthy relationship can be damaging to your self-worth and self-esteem.
Staying in an unhappy relationship teaches the kids what they should accept in the future. If a daughter sees her mommy unhappy all the time because of the actions of the father, she grows up thinking that’s okay. If a son sees his father unhappy because of the actions of the mother or failing to make his mother happy because of his actions, he grows up thinking happiness isn’t a requirement in a relationship.
Leaving is hard, but truly loving yourself will give you the strength to walk away. When you love yourself, you know in your heart you deserve better than disrespect and emotional abuse.
Choosing yourself and your happiness over an unhealthy relationship to better yourself is a sign of strength. Leaving may take time, mental energy, pep talks with yourself, and lots of self-love, but your heart and your intuition are your best guides to lead you to happiness.
When you truly love someone and they are working hard to earn back your trust after breaking it, then it may be worth it to work through the issue. But from my experience, I know one thing to be true: once a cheater, always a cheater.
Someone who truly loves you would never put themselves in a situation where they could lose you forever. If you are cheated on and you stay, you are showing them that cheating is acceptable and they will not fear losing you.
If you are unhappy in your relationship and still debating whether it's time to leave, ask yourself this: What will someone who loves themselves do?
Written by Kimberly Fosu