Finding the right person, especially in today’s modern dating world, is pretty fucking difficult. With so many potential matches right at our literal fingertips, it’s easy to become both overwhelmed by the number of choices and underwhelmed by the lack of connection between swipes.
Now, I know this is not a new thought and that I’m not saying anything original here. Dating apps, as well as modern dating, have both been widely researched, reported on, and discussed. The times are changing as the saying goes, and the old rules no longer really apply. Except one, and it’s this:
The right person will hold space for you.
But what does that mean exactly?
To put it simply, holding space is an act of love. To hold space for someone is to make room for that being to exist openly and authentically without judgment. To hold space means you take someone for all that they are, even the messy, unpredictable portions.
The right partner for you will do just that. They will not attempt to put back together with your broken parts. Instead, they’ll hold the toolbag while you heal yourself, providing observations as necessary but never taking over the job. They understand that savior is not their role, and never will be.
When you are struggling, they will hold your hand but not take the wheel. No, they will be with you through your pain, never leaving your side but having faith in you to come to necessary conclusions all on your own. Trust is the foundation of holding space after all, and it’s no coincidence that trust is also a cornerstone of a solid relationship. You need both to have your love thrive.
To hold space also means they will consistently show up for you. Day after day, they will do their best to be present. They won’t be perfect, no one is, but most of the time, they’ll get it right. They’ll put their phone down when necessary, they won’t be checking the clock when you are spending time together. The right person for you won’t just listen in order to wait for their turn to talk. They will hear you to understand. To get to know you better, and deeply.
But please remember that this isn’t just about finding the right partner for you. You also need to reciprocate and practice this behavior as well. You need to be willing to hold space for them, too. Relationships take the effort of both parties and it won’t always be easy but trust that it will always be worth it.
So when looking for love, find the person you want to hold space for. Don’t force it. It will come naturally and you’ll just know. And, hopefully, this person will want to hold some space for you, too. If not, wait for the person who will. Don’t settle for anything less.