Some red flags dudes may see that you don’t.
I’ve often heard the phrase, “It’s so hard to meet guys.” Or similar sentiments from my lovelorn friends. Yet there are so many people looking for love in the same city, town, or small English hamlet. So from where does this belief that it is impossible to meet anyone in the real world arise? Have you ever felt the same way?
Sorry to break it to you, but you are mostly likely part of the problem. Without meaning to you’ve sabotaged your chance at a meet-cute outside of a dating app. But with a few adjustments to your behaviours, you can improve your chances of attracting Mr. Right.
You need to expand your search outside of your comfort zone
You know all the guys at your usual haunts. So why are you still looking there? Make an effort to get out of your comfort zone to meet new prospects. I would avoid attending an activity you hate, as you might telegraph annoyance instead of joy which makes men less likely to come over and say, “Hi!” For example I will never look happy while hiking, that’s a fact. My thunderous expression is man-repellent.
But if that’s your thing, go with a group for a walk up a mountain. Take a museum tour. Join a cooking class. There are plenty of activities where you will be in a group setting. Plus, even if you don’t meet someone, you’ll still enjoy yourself.
You may accidentally come off as rude to others
Whether you’re snapping at the bartender, or laughing at a homely man who asks you to dance, you’ve been identified as someone is who isn’t nice. There is a big difference between using your power to stand up for yourself and wielding it to hurt. Good men, the ones who are genuinely kind, will find the latter behaviour appalling and avoid you with a 10-foot pole. Anyone who is mean to those they perceive as “beneath them” aren’t worth being with in the long run. Be kind, unless the situation calls for you to bring out your inner-bitch. There is usually no reason to be an asshole and believe me, potential dates will notice.
Try to refrain from acting desperate
Being too needy is a surefire way to scare potential suitors away. While a man wants to know that you are just as serious as he is, there will be serious red flags raised if you make it seem like this is a last-ditch effort to not end up single. I know it’s hard, especially when the world tells us we have a sell-by date, but don’t allow yourself to believe there is a time-limit on love. Flirt with a guy with and feel hopeful, but not desperation. He’s a possible date, not a life boat.
You brought too much backup
Jokes about women going to the bathroom together are often hilariously true. For some reason, usually safety, many women feel better going to events or bars as a large group. Yet there is an optimal number of friends to surround yourself with if you want to appear approachable. When you’re talking to more than two friends the chances of a guy coming over to talk to you are slim. No one wants to interrupt a group conversation.
Also, the fear of being rejected is hard enough. Imagine having a group of someone else’s friends witness that vulnerable moment. If you’re hanging around with a large group you’ll find it harder to attract the men who want a private conversation.
Don't forget : "Who travels in PACK, don't ATTRACT" Stéphanie
You might be dull because you’re scared of putting yourself out there
This one is a bit subjective. But if you notice that men are desperate to get away from you in the first 5 minutes of conversation, something is up. Unless your breath is stinky, it is probably something you said. Or fail to say. Try to have topics that are varied. It may be books, news, or some other passion that makes you light up from within. If you have one talking point and they aren’t into it, you’re out of luck. Men want to sense that you have a lot going on. It makes them want ask you out so they can find out more.
Dating is hard, no matter where you live. Going out and meeting someone in real life, with no app, is almost a lost art. But take a chance, and follow the above advice, if you want to increase your likelihood of attracting a man next time you go out.
Written by Ella Figgs